What Could Have Been
by whitecrossgirl
Summary: A range of head-canons I came up with for Merlin involving a range of genres and characters


**AN: Basically I spent ages reading various Harry Potter head-canons and while dealing with writers block and an unwillingness to watch the Olympic opening ceremony; I decided to create some Merlin head-canons. I need a social life…**

**1.**

The night after the battle found the group of friends who had jokingly dubbed themselves 'The Knights of the Round Table' (which conveniently ignored the fact two of them weren't knights)in Gwaine's chambers as the knight rested in his bed, recovering from his injuries. As they all relayed various accounts of their perspective of Morgana's attack as well as recounting all that had happened in the time Gwen was exiled, Elyan reached into his pocket and produced a filthy piece of silver which he had found in their cell.

"It seemed really familiar but I couldn't think where I'd seen it before." Elyan commented as he used his sleeve to try and scrape off some of the dirt. Suddenly Gwen grabbed the bracelet and flung it across the room before running out. Merlin hurried after her and found her sitting on the stairs crying. As he hugged his friend, Gwen said the words he suspected but also needed to hear.

"Lancelot gave it to me when he came back."

**2.**

In his youth Uther had always been fascinated by magic and the amazing things those who were able to use it could do. He secretly longed to be able to do the same. It was only after Ygraine's death, when the knowledge and guilt of his fascinations and desperations had cost him manifested into fury, did Uther start to persecute those with magic. It was the only way he was able to look at himself in the mirror.

**3.**

Contrary to popular belief, Gwaine had always been level-headed and wise. He merely referred the fun of acting reckless sometimes as it meant with his mind, he was prepared for any possible outcomes. Indeed it was his wise mind, twinned with his dare-devil nature which allowed Gwaine to figure out the riddle of where Morgana had trapped a kidnapped Merlin and it was him, rather than Arthur, who led the attempt to free their friend from the cave which Morgana had sealed him in.

**4.**

None of them wanted to admit it, but in the backs of their minds, they knew that if any of them were to sacrifice themselves to the Veil, it would have been Lancelot. He wasn't 'the bravest and noblest' knight for nothing you know. The man had a sense of honour, duty and courage that was unparalleled and even envied by the others and that was how they all knew that out of all of them, Lancelot would be the one who would most likely run head-first into the Veil It was due to the guilt created by this knowledge which allowed themselves to be blinded and convinced by the obvious lies told to them by the Shade Lancelot which returned.

They wanted to believe that their cowardice hadn't killed their friend.

**5.**

Sometimes Morgana regrets the things she has done and the path she had chosen. Sometimes.

**6.**

When he reached Avalon after dying a third time, Lancelot was greeted by a pretty young woman with long dark hair. The woman smiled knowingly at Lancelot, aware of who he was and who had sent him to her. She introduced herself as Freya.

**7.**

Morgause had a simple reason for not killing Merlin on the spot after he poisoned Morgana. She knew it would cause him greater pain to watch Camelot fall to Morgana's hand with the knowledge that he could and should have stopped her. The pain of remorse could be more torturous than any form of physical pain. Besides, she'd had more important things to worry about than one pestilent servant.

**8.**

Percival had been the eldest of nine children. One day his siblings decided they would all gang up on their eldest brother to annoy him and pull some pranks on him. In his anger and frustration, Percival yelled at his siblings and claimed that he hated the lot of them before storming off. Hours later after he had calmed down, Percival returned to find the village ransacked and his entire family, the youngest, Flora, having only just turned seven, dead. As he stood at their graves, Percival vowed two things to his family. The first being that he would avenge their deaths on Cenred's men even if it killed him. The second was that he would do his best to protect any child from a brutal death.

**9.**

Gaius lived well into his nineties but his declining health and numerous years had taken its toll on him. One night Merlin, Gwen and Arthur grouped around his bed and Gaius looked at the three of them. In his mind he still saw the two babies he had helped into the world who had grown into the greatest rulers Camelot had ever known and the scrawny young man who needed help mastering his magic who was now the greatest warlock in the land. The three of them were like his children, the children he never had.

Gaius smiled at them and said; "I'm so proud of you,' before he closed his eyes and breathed his last.

**10.**

Ygraine DuBois had been the baby of the family and the apple of her parents and brothers' eyes. While Tristan was eight years older and Agravaine six, both boys doted on their sister and were extremely close to her. The three of them were extremely different despite their closeness. Tristan had always been a hothead who acted first then asked questions. Agravaine was quieter, his silence masking the slyness and cunning persona within. Ygraine was sweet, kind and loving towards everyone she met. Whenever Ygraine was betrothed to Uther, neither of them could shake off a feeling that this did not bode well for any of them; that the Pendragons were going to bring darkness into their lives. They weren't wrong.

After burying both his sister and his brother, who had both perished due to Uther Pendragon, Agravaine vowed to himself that somehow, someway, someday, Uther would pay for tearing his family apart.

**11.**

During the Troll Incident, Morgana had all but barricaded herself in her room. She was scared, not only for herself and her strange new abilities but also for Camelot and what would become of it now that its queen was a troll. One evening Leon knocked on the door and Morgana reluctantly let him in. Noting how afraid she looked, Leon awkwardly hugged Morgana and the next thing either of them knew, they were kissing. They hastily broke apart and Leon quickly left.

Neither of them mentioned it again.

**12.**

When Merlin finally revealed himself to his friends, he expected fury, retribution, exile or execution. Instead the news was met by silence and as he stared at his feet, he completely missed the looks of dawning comprehension and the mouthed claims of '_I should have known.'_ After a minute or two, Merlin, still waiting on his punishment, was suddenly enveloped by half a dozen people hugging him, accepting their brother and his abilities. Merlin looked at them all completely shell-shocked before Arthur smacked him on the back of the head.

"Now you have no excuse for not doing your work, do you?" Arthur joked.

**13.**

The night before she planned to flee with Leon, Gwen was finishing up her usual jobs of helping Lady (not Queen, she would never accept her as queen) Morgana for bed. As she stood up after Gwen brushed her hair for the last time that evening, Morgana suddenly hugged her tightly. Gwen hesitated for a second before hugging Morgana back just as tightly. For a few minutes all was forgotten but the moment passed. Morgana went to climb into bed and Gwen extinguished the last candles before hurrying home with the stolen dress she needed for Leon.

Neither woman said anything but they both knew that they had just said a final farewell to their friendship.

**14.**

Hunith had always known that her son was special. From when he was a baby and he would cause things to levitate for his amusement or when his cries would cause items all over the house to rattle. Hunith knew her son was destined for great things in his life but not because of his magic. Because of a certain way he would twist his mouth or a curious look in his eyes and he reminded her forcibly of Balinor. That was why she knew her son would be destined for greatness, not merely because of his magic.

He was his father's son after all.

**15.**

Gwen wasn't stupid. She knew she was the subject of gossip in the court; it was nothing new. Given her background and certain past events, it was inevitable. This however was different, it wasn't gossip. It was fact. She and Arthur had been married three years now and there was no hint of an heir. Her monthly flow was regular, she was in perfect health and it certainly wasn't through lack of trying. Gwen confessed to Merlin that she would willingly do what Queen Ygraine had done, find someone with magic to help her conceive a child. It would mean her death but it meant she could be a mother, for those nine months and precious moments after the birth.

Then one night she had had a strange dream. In the dream a beautiful young woman with long blonde hair and bright blue eyes was walking towards her. The woman nodded at her and in her arms she held a bundle of blankets containing a small baby who had light brown skin and eyes that were a curious shade of both hazel and blue. The woman looked at Gwen and beamed at her, as the women looked at each other, Gwen realised who she was.

"Do not resort to desperate measures, your time will come sooner than you think." Ygraine reassured before she vanished and Gwen woke up.

A week later Gwen discovered she was pregnant.

**16.**

Everyone was afraid of something and in childhood, Leon's phobia had been water. When he was three, he had witnessed druids being drowned on Uther's orders and the way the people's bodies trashed around in an attempt to find some oxygen before their bodies succumbed to the water was almost burned in his mind. When he was ten, the other pages were teasing him for not joining in with the swimming lesson in the river. Leon sat alone on the bank moodily and watched some of the peasant children playing some game which required them to jump across the stream on the stepping stones. As he watched, the smallest child fell of one of the stones and hit their head as they fell into the water, their small body being pulled easily by the water flow. Without stopping to think, Leon leapt into the water and waded down the river to grab the child and pull them to the riverbank. Aside from being a bit dazed and soaked, the little girl was fine.

One day, several years later, Sir Leon patrolled the streets of Camelot when a young woman in her late teens suddenly walked up and hugged him. The woman stepped back and blushed at the knight.

"You probably don't remember but you pulled me out of the river when I was five, I just wanted to thank you." the girl explained. Leon smiled at her.

"If anything I should thank you, you helped me overcome my fear of water that day." Leon replied and they continued on their respective ways. He never saw her again, but Leon never forgot her or what they had done for each other.

**17.**

Gwaine had always known Merlin's secret. It was obvious really. It was the knowledge of this secret which ensured that Gwaine became a fast friend who Merlin could rely on. He never let slip to Merlin that he knew, rather Gwaine felt the need to test his friend's abilities every so often. He wanted to be certain just how powerful Merlin was. Considering the fact he was well, Merlin, Gwaine was convinced Merlin couldn't be all _that_ powerful. Come on, if Merlin had any great amazing powers, why was he happy to let the others gang up on him or let Arthur treat him like a slave? It didn't make sense. If he had magic and the others treated him they way they treated Merlin, well, the results wouldn't be pretty. Therefore Gwaine would bet that Merlin didn't hold a great amount of power.

Gwaine reconsidered that when he found Merlin in the woods one night chatting away to two dragons.

**18.**

Most people assumed that Morgana and Gwen's friendship developed over time as the latter worked for the former. However the truth was another story. Morgana had been staring vacantly out her window when she spotted a small figure had crossed the courtyard a short while ago with some horseshoes, walk back. The person was dressed in a loose shirt and trousers and had a cap shoved firmly onto their head making it impossible to determine whether it was a boy or girl. As Morgana watched, Arthur and his friends seemed to decide it was the former and Arthur attempted to start a fight with the child like the arrogant little brat he was. It was soon clear that this was a mistake and the two children began fighting. Morgana hurried from her room and reached the grounds in time to see a guard pull the child off Arthur who was snivelling with a cut lip and nursing what would soon be an impressive black eye. In the struggle, the cap had fallen off to reveal long dark curly hair. Morgana grinned as she realised that Arthur had just been beaten up by a girl.

Morgana hurried down the steps and ran over to the girl, linking their arms and smiling at her. "I'm Morgana, what's your name?"

"Gwen my lady," the girl replied, now suddenly feeling shy as she realised who she'd been fighting and who was now talking to her. Morgana however kept their arms linked and led her into the castle, ignoring Arthur completely.

"Well Gwen, I can tell we're going to be best friends." Morgana predicted.

**19.**

There were times when Merlin would wonder what could have happened if he had helped Morgana or revealed himself to her when her own powers began developing. He wondered how different events would have turned out if Morgana had been on their side and helping them; what would never have happened had Morgana not allowed darkness to take over her life. He wondered whether or not he would have done the same if he were in Morgana's position, alone, scared and seeking to find someone, anyone who could help him. He always had someone, Morgana had no one. Merlin longed to have reached out to her, said something, done something, but he didn't. Nobody knew this, but he had loved Morgana, properly loved her. But he never acted on those feelings, he never told her, he never kissed her, he did nothing because he was scared that she wouldn't have felt the same. So rather than risk the pain, he kept his mouth shut about his feelings.

And worst of all, he regretted that more than letting Morgause take Morgana away.

**20.**

They were battling again. This time the battle had led them to the very battlements of the castle and it was just the two of them. Brother and sister battling it out. Sibling rivalry, the oldest form of enmity that existed. As Morgana dodged a blow, she lost her footing and almost fell. Her hands latched onto the stone but her palms were slippery with sweat and she knew she couldn't hold on for long.

"Morgana, let go!" Arthur ordered.

"So I fall to my death, rather than you push me?" Morgana snapped as she felt her fingers scrape against the stone as she struggled to hold on.

"No, so I can pull you up." Arthur said as he grabbed Morgana's wrists and pulled her back up onto the battlements. For a few moments they looked at each other in an awkward silence.

"Why did you do that?" Morgana asked eventually. The rest of the statement went unsaid. She wouldn't have helped him, rather she would have most likely kicked his hands and watch him plummet to his death. Arthur was quiet for a moment before shrugging.

"You remind me of my sister. She died a long time ago." Arthur commented as he picked up his sword and returned into the battle that was still waging on in the castle leaving Morgana alone with her thoughts.


End file.
